Today Part I - The Albertsons Tale

I was going to post a single blog with twice the content today, but it got so long that I am opting for a double blog... still with twice the content. So keep an eye out for Part II, coming soon (like within just a few editorial minutes after Part I).

This morning I stopped at Albertsons on my way to work to make a very small purchase. At 6:25 in the AM, they only have their self-checkout open; which is fine with me, since I only use human cashiers when the self-checkout is closed. Thankfully that almost never happens.

So, there I am at the self-checkout, pleased with myself because the product I was purchasing which is normally $2.38 each is currently going at 3 for $4 – a 56% savings! – as long as I use my Albertson’s Preferred Card. Which I always do.

I scan the purchase and place it in a sack, waiting for the friendly self-checkout lady voice asking, “Have you scanned your Albertson’s Preferred Card?” She always asks me this, even though she knows – and I know she knows – that I have not yet scanned it. But she’s polite so I usually just say, “Not yet, but I’m on it.”

Today, she asked me, and I responded as usual, but as I checked my wallet, I couldn’t find my handy little Preferred Card. It’s small, supposed to go on a keychain, but as I loathe bulky key chains or superfluous extras dangling from my car’s ignition switch, I never put anything on the keychain that doesn’t need to be on it.

As I started sifting through the absurd assortment of Jamba Juice and Café Rio “Buy 10 get one free” cards, and a number of Wal*Mart gift cards – which may or may not actually still have any money left on them – I pulled my debit card out and shoved it between two unoccupied fingers of my left hand.

Wouldn’t you know it, I apparently have the finger dexterity of a kiwi (the bird, not the fruit… though I suppose the fruit has about as much finger dexterity as the bird). I dropped the card and it fell. Not generally a big deal for somebody who is able to see, and bend at the waist and knees.

Well, it turns out, I’m extra-special. You see, I didn’t just drop the card. I dropped the card improbably into the little gap between the scanner and the edge of the scanner (see image below). At first I couldn’t believe that it had actually, somehow, managed to fall just right to end up down the narrow chasm. It had to have been at least 2 feet over it, and would have had to fall just so in order to make it.

Then the real concerns crept in. Without my Preferred Card, I wasn’t going to be able to get my awesome deal and would have to pay full price, and worse: I wasn’t going to be able to make my purchase at ALL!! Okay, that wouldn’t have been worse. It wasn’t an absolute necessity, it was a drink. But still.

After a brief lapse of judgment, my senses returned and I sought out (and found) the one employee actually working up front. She was gracious and helpful, and she showed me how incredibly limber the self-checkout lady is. You can lift her monitor screen right up and then her scanner area becomes nimble as a bee, making it easy to lift that scanner up and out, exposing the gratuitous metal bin that the scanner rests in. Lo and behold: my card was retrieved.

And to make things even more exciting, she punched in a code which delivered me the 56% savings I’d been craving! All I need is my phone number! Yay!

The observant reader will have noticed in an above paragraph "keychain" is a compound word, while "key chains" is separate. This is because Microsoft Word 2007 (my editor of choice) recognizes keychain, but not keychains. In a bid to keep Word happy, and in order to have something to criticize at this point in the story, I chose not to add keychains to the dictionary, and compromised the compound word. Enjoy.

Wells Fargo - Oh How I Hate Thee!

I came in need of no bling nor chrome

Seeking money for school and for home

You promised a low rate

Then forgot till too late

Hence shall I say, "Seek else for a loan!"

Ok, two negative blogposts in a row is unfair to everybody who reads this, so I promise to make it up to you with a happier post next time. Let's hope that happens sooner rather than later!!

Oh the Wretchedness of Being Me

After my 2-in-1 rant I thought about starting a whole new blog at www.soapbox.blogspot.com but somebody already has that one and I didn't feel like taking 3-12 hours trying to find a clever title that was both available and likely. So I'll stick with ranting on my family blog. By the way, have you ever noticed that all the really good domain names are not only always taken, but are not even being used? That's a rant for another day, I suppose.

Anyway, today's whine er... rant:

I drink Arrowhead bottled water. I like the taste (or lack thereof). But about a year ago they changed their bottles: They made the plastic thinner (I imagine they did it in some scheme to appear more green). Now I can't open one without squeezing the bottle too tight, forcing water up and out under the cap! I've tried gripping the very base - no joy; I've tried gripping around the neck where physics ensures the the narrowness of the neck will not permit the plastic to squeeze - but no, my hands are too big, the neck too small, and there is not even a phantom of leverage to speak of.

Ok, so a little water dribbling down the side of the bottle is not a big deal. However, water also gets trapped under the plastic ring (that seals the cap before it is first opened). Trapped, that is, until I take a swig. At that point, the water dribbles down my chin and onto my shirt, making me look like the latest victim of novelty-cup wit.

Who designs these things? Who approves them? Who quality-tests them? and is it wrong to want to beat them all with a wet fish?

I've taken to buying the larger bottles that have the blueish flip-top lid. I started buying them because then I didn't have to worry about the spillage, but quickly discovered that the water passing through the lid (which is made of some different plastic than the rest of the bottle) picks up a plasticky flavor that is, shall we say, less than savory. So I started unscrewing the whole cap. And you know what? These bottles are still made with the heavier/denser/thicker plastic that the other bottles used to be made out of. Now I buy them because I can unscrew the cap without fear of squirting water all over my keyboard at home or at work. Joyous day!

The Lullaby Album

So I have this friend, see, and she's a concert pianist. She used to only perform others' works, such as that of Tchaikovsky, Debussy, and the like.

But a few years ago Jenni decided to start composing her own music.

The first album, The Key of Sea, was released, oh 2 years ago, give-or-take, and I loved it. Not just because she's my friend (check out one of her many blogs through the Sleepless in Seattle link to the right, or go to her music website by clicking here: JenniferThomasMusic.com), but because it's really very good.

Well, of course, she took her time getting a second album out. I get the impression that becoming a new mom was somehow more important and required more attention than making music to appease the masses. I suppose I might agree with her.

Anyhow, her baby inspired The Lullaby Album, and from the bits and pieces I've heard, it is going to have been worth the wait. I've posted one of her YouTube promos for this new album on the right, so please give it a click, watch it, enjoy it, and if you like it...

Buy it.

I do not get any monetary compensation for promoting the album. I just love the music, and she's a really great friend. So, of course, I want her to succeed. Which she will do without me plugging her music. Still, I want to.

If you go back to one of my older posts, I have a photo montage of Cordelia, over which I dubbed some of Jenni's music from her first album.

Could It Be Swine Flu??

So I've been sick for about two weeks. Tammy was sick for about a week before I got sick, so I just figured I had whatever it was she had. Cordelia, the trooper, hadn't had any symptoms of any kind.

People at work were disgusted with me hacking and coughing and blowing my nose all day long. I got everything from "Go to the hospital!" to "Go home!" to a couple of ladies walking around with a can of Lysol spraying all the cubicals. So I took a couple of days off last week, expecting the rest and relaxation to put all to right.

Didn't help.

On Saturday Tammy had a family reunion that I was just too sick to go to. It had gone beyond just the coughs and sneezes, and had progressed to body aches, fever (slight), head-aches, nausea, and fits of sneezing that lasted 15-20 gut-wrenching blows (I generally sneeze 2, maybe 3 times if my allergies are really bad).

Sunday I felt considerably better, the nausea and body aches were gone, as was the fever. Monday, I was in the crapper again. All my symptoms were back. So I skipped another day of work, and went to the instacare.

Off Topic

Instacare... That name is an ironic joke, I'm pretty sure: 'insta-' suggests you get in instantly when in reality you sign in, wait 10 minutes for them to call you up to pay for your care, then wait another 30-90 minutes for them to call you back, take your blood-pressure, temperature, and ask questions like "What's wrong?", then they take you back to a room where you have the choice of sitting on the bed or a chair for another 20-30 minutes. The doctor then comes in, asks a bunch of questions while typing on the computer. Listens to your chest and back while you breathe, then he's done. If anything else needs to happen, it is handled by a nurse. He only takes up about 5 minutes of your time at the "instacare."

I signed in at 10:54, I got home at 1:10.

This is how I break it down:

10:54 - Sign In

11:05 - Pay

12:00 - Get taken back

12:25 - Doctor comes in

12:30 - Doctor leaves

12:33 - Nurse comes in to take a flu test (a whole other story)

12:35 - Nurse leaves

12:55 - Doctor comes back with the test results

1:00 - I leave

Back On Topic

Flu tests - if you've never had one, you should allow yourself the experience at least once in your life - and probably just the once. If you have, you know what I mean.

The doctor sounded pretty sure I had Swine Flu, or at least some form of flu. But the test came back negative. So the answer to the initial question: Yes, it could have been Swine Flu. But it wasn't.

So now he's got me on 3 different prescriptions to help control my symptoms. A cough suppressant, a pain-reliever, and a nasal spray. Of course, the pharmacy was all out of the nasal spray until today - except they called a few minutes ago to let me know they won't have it till tomorrow, so I am going to shop around and find it sooner.

In addition to that, he wants me to keep taking Mucinex and drinking lots of fluids. And he gave me today off work. We'll see if my boss thinks that was a "continued employment" decision the doctor had a right to make. Since the cough suppressant makes me all kinds of woozy, I think it's best that I get used to it before I operate a motor-vehicle again. Or at least give it a chance to do it's work before I skip a dose in order to drive to work.

Tammy started hacking yesterday, and this morning Cordelia has a slight cough. We'll probably try to get her in to her pediatrician sometime today, just to hopefully nip it in the bud.

Desert Gardening

On Saturday we went to a water conservation fair... thing.  Basically, we went in order to see lots of various possibilities for Xero-scaping our yard in order to keep our water-usage to a minimum.

It was interesting, but that isn't what this blog is about.  It's about Cordelia having fun.

I really don't think I realize just how much bigger I am than her until I see us together in a photo or a video.  I'm really quite frightening.  She had been watching other kids climbing the wall and she wanted in on the fun.  I wasn't sure she was big enough, but then I noticed a great big banner that said "Free for all ages."  So we went for it.

Waiting her turn was not something she did patiently, at first.  I wish I had gotten some video of her as we waited for the hosts to retrieve the special tiny harness she needed... she kept looking at me in frustration, I could almost hear her thinking "C'mon dad, I don't need that!"

Once she had it on, it took some convincing that she had to wait her turn (fortunately there were only a couple of kids ahead of her, and there were 3 cables).  She, oh-so-patiently, folded her arms and set her hips and her scowl to wait.  It was cute.

2 in 1 - What a Fantastic Concept!

This is me.

I’d show you a picture of my shoulders, but nobody wants to see the flakes.  That’s right: I have dandruff.  Big deal.  The problem isn’t that I get  a little flakey at times, I mean really it’s not an uncommon condition.  The problem is that the only shampoo that actually works for me is Denorex.  Smells funky, but it really does the trick.

And the only Denorex I can ever find in any of the grocery stores that I frequent on anywhere near a regular basis carry only these:

 

2 in 1.   Shampoo Plus Conditioner.  Does it look like I need conditioner?   Do the inventory clerks in charge of stocking shelves think that bald people don’t get dandruff, too?  If only that were the case!  I am not ashamed of my baldness, but even if I were, I  would welcome it gladly if it meant I would never have to worry about wearing dark shirts ever again!

Honestly, I could buy the 2 in 1 and use it, and it would work for me.  The problem is, I would be paying for 50% shampoo and 50% conditioner.  Half of my money would be wasted on a product I just don’t need and cannot benefit from in any way.  I’d like 100% of my purchase go towards a good cause (the same reason I don’t plan to donate to the United Way, despite my company’s campaign to get 100% participation this year… but that’s another rant and would belong on my political blog rather than this one).

Please, anybody who lives anywhere in the Salt Lake Valley (or even within reasonable distance outside of SLC), if you see Denorex, just plain old non-conditioner Denorex, let me know! (Please note, the color of the label indicates "Regular versus Extra Strength", not "Shampoo vs. 2 in 1")

How ridiculous would it be to have to order a non-prescription shampoo over the internet?  That's about where I am.