My Family

Tammy, the unequalled brains in the family, suggested before I left that I should pack certain items that I scoffed at (and then secretly packed), such as extra zip-lock baggies, “Because,” she said, “you never know what you might need them for.”

I had just rolled my eyes and told her I thought she was dumb. Or something along those lines.

Well, as I already said, I secretly packed a couple extras. And I’m glad I did. Now I have someplace to put all my odds-and-ends before going to sleep. My wallet, my change, my keys, my Chapstick, etc. all go into a zip-lock baggy so they don’t get lost while the truck bounces down the road while I’m unconscious.

Thank you, lover. You’re the best.

Cordelia, who had been assigned the task of wearing her eye-patch 2 hours a day over her good eye to help strengthen her weak eye, has had the burden lifted a bit. She now only has to wear it 2 hours a day 3 times per week. She’s also been reevaluated with regards to her speech aptitude, and though it had looked like she would be going to pre-school 3 days per week (or something), they’ve determined that she only needs one 45 minute class per week. Is that good or bad?

Also, since daddy’s been gone, she’s decided to go ahead and let herself be potty-trained. Finally. She has few accidents, sometimes going an entire day without any.

And from what I hear, Garrett (Cordelia’s cousin, about 18 months younger than her), has started making “human” sounds. Noises that could possibly be actual attempts at forming words. Congrats, Garrett! Keep up the good work!

Something to Do In a Motel Room

For those who don't know, my grandma didn't make it 48 hours. It was maybe 6 hours after my mom gave me that information that she called back to let me know that grandma had passed on.

I wasn't able to make it to the funeral, but I did pass through Boise on Sunday and was able to stop for a couple of hours to pay my respects and spend some time with family before heading out.

Monday, however, I was checked into another motel up in the Seattle area. Now it's Thursday, and I should be checking out today, but may stay another night (it was late Monday, so that may translate to another night).

Anyway, there isn't much to do when you have extremely limited funds, don't know the area, or anybody who lives close by - well... I know somebody close by, but they are out of town - you know who you are ;).

So yesterday I noticed my hair was getting a bit too long. I knew it would while I was out, but I didn't have room for my clippers, and wasn't sure when/where I'd be able to shave my head again anyway, so I had been planning on letting the hair grow and grow and grow and cut it again when I got home.

Well, it's been 3 weeks since I left, with maybe 4 weeks of growth and at least 3 more weeks of this ahead of me.

I was bored. So I decided to shave my head. With a safety razor. Gillette Mach 3 to be exact. Warning: it takes forever, dulls your blades in a hurry, kind of hurts, makes a mess, risks clogging drains, and it is something to do in a motel room.

Sad News For a Guilty Grandson

I just received some sad news. I say sad, rather than bad, because the news has broken my heart on many levels. In some ways it is bad news, too, but mostly it’s just sad.

My grandmother’s body is shutting down. She’s awake, coherent, and from what I hear, she is ready to move on to her next assignment.

48 hours is such a short time, though, for the rest of us.

I’ve been remiss. Over the past few years, I’ve put off taking the trip to Boise to see her, even though I’ve known she was ill. My excuse has ever been: “It’s such a long drive.” My little girl, 3 years old now, has never met my grandmother, and this, more than anything, is excruciatingly regretful. Ironically, I’m now working as a truck driver, and driving several hundred miles every day is part of the job description.

And now, since I’ve only just started, I can’t even go see her to say good-bye in person. Anybody who reads this and is close by: Please tell her I’m sorry. I love you, grandma, and I’m going to miss you. I’m so very sorry that I never brought Cordelia up to meet you. I know she would have loved you, just as all of us love you.

You have always been an inspiration for me. You taught me the importance of education, of family, of communication. You were always such a good letter-writer, and I learned so much from you.

If it is really time for you to go, then with a heavy, sorrowful heart I want to tell you that I love you and I will miss you. I’m sure Grandpa and Aunt Lois are waiting to welcome you… not to mention Tony, Mary, Great Grandma and all the rest who have gone on before you. As well as the Savior himself, with his open arms to receive you.

My heart aches for my own loss, and my own regrets, but I know there will be rejoicing on the other side as you are greeted by the throngs of people who must be missing you as much as we will miss you. I certainly hope that when my time comes, you will be there to welcome me home, as well.

I hate doing this in writing. I wish I could come see you. This is the best I can do, and I know you’ve appreciated me expressing myself with pen and paper in the past, so hopefully this is as good. I need to get this out there. I need you to know that I’ve never forgotten you, I’ve just been selfishly wrapped up in things that momentarily seem important, but in retrospect are just distractions.

I won’t ask you to forgive me, because I know you already have… that is part of being a grandma, I think. Part of what makes a grandma a special kind of relative. You just automatically understand that grandchildren are often distracted and foolish, and you forgive us for it. It’s grandma magic.

I love you. I know that you have always loved me. Thank you for being my grandma. I deserved less than what I got, and will forever be grateful for the blessing that you have been to me in my life.

I won’t say good-bye. Rather: Till we meet again.

I love you. God bless you forever.

Steven

P.S. If you change your mind, and decide to get better and stick around for a bit longer, that will be okay, too. I just want to put that out there as an option. Consider it, alright?

Day 7

Well, as of today, it's been 7 days since I left my family behind.

California is beautiful, mostly. The weather has been really nice. Today it looks a little smoggy out, and it's chilly (or I'm becoming accustomed to the nice weather). Feels like it's in the 60s out there. Not bad, really, and pretty darn sweet for February.

If you've been following the Trucker Diaries blog, you know I'm still here in the motel. They reassigned me to a new driver trainer, since the one they originally gave me is still waiting to get his truck fixed. The new guy hasn't called me, yet, so I don't really know what's up.

Tammy and Cordy seem to be doing well. We talk on the phone every day, and we try to get on Skype to do a video chat as often as possible, so we can keep in touch, and so my princess doesn't forget what her daddy looks like.