Sad News For a Guilty Grandson

I just received some sad news. I say sad, rather than bad, because the news has broken my heart on many levels. In some ways it is bad news, too, but mostly it’s just sad.

My grandmother’s body is shutting down. She’s awake, coherent, and from what I hear, she is ready to move on to her next assignment.

48 hours is such a short time, though, for the rest of us.

I’ve been remiss. Over the past few years, I’ve put off taking the trip to Boise to see her, even though I’ve known she was ill. My excuse has ever been: “It’s such a long drive.” My little girl, 3 years old now, has never met my grandmother, and this, more than anything, is excruciatingly regretful. Ironically, I’m now working as a truck driver, and driving several hundred miles every day is part of the job description.

And now, since I’ve only just started, I can’t even go see her to say good-bye in person. Anybody who reads this and is close by: Please tell her I’m sorry. I love you, grandma, and I’m going to miss you. I’m so very sorry that I never brought Cordelia up to meet you. I know she would have loved you, just as all of us love you.

You have always been an inspiration for me. You taught me the importance of education, of family, of communication. You were always such a good letter-writer, and I learned so much from you.

If it is really time for you to go, then with a heavy, sorrowful heart I want to tell you that I love you and I will miss you. I’m sure Grandpa and Aunt Lois are waiting to welcome you… not to mention Tony, Mary, Great Grandma and all the rest who have gone on before you. As well as the Savior himself, with his open arms to receive you.

My heart aches for my own loss, and my own regrets, but I know there will be rejoicing on the other side as you are greeted by the throngs of people who must be missing you as much as we will miss you. I certainly hope that when my time comes, you will be there to welcome me home, as well.

I hate doing this in writing. I wish I could come see you. This is the best I can do, and I know you’ve appreciated me expressing myself with pen and paper in the past, so hopefully this is as good. I need to get this out there. I need you to know that I’ve never forgotten you, I’ve just been selfishly wrapped up in things that momentarily seem important, but in retrospect are just distractions.

I won’t ask you to forgive me, because I know you already have… that is part of being a grandma, I think. Part of what makes a grandma a special kind of relative. You just automatically understand that grandchildren are often distracted and foolish, and you forgive us for it. It’s grandma magic.

I love you. I know that you have always loved me. Thank you for being my grandma. I deserved less than what I got, and will forever be grateful for the blessing that you have been to me in my life.

I won’t say good-bye. Rather: Till we meet again.

I love you. God bless you forever.

Steven

P.S. If you change your mind, and decide to get better and stick around for a bit longer, that will be okay, too. I just want to put that out there as an option. Consider it, alright?

Halloween

So Halloween was kind of a joke this year, but Cordelia had fun and that's what is really important. Tammy and I had a miscommunication about Cordelia's costume. I was under the impression that she and her mom were working on a costume for Cordy, so I didn't really think twice about it. Tammy, on the other hand doesn't really get into Halloween the way I usually do, so she didn't think it was a big deal if there wasn't a special fun costume. So since I had boughten Cordelia a Halloween outfit (orange with little black cats) a few weeks ago, Tammy had just been planning on putting her in that outfit and then draping her in a black cape that her mom had made for her when she was about Cordelia's age.

When I found that out, on Halloween, I accepted it, because honestly that had been one of the possibilities we had discussed, and then just saying she was "Halloweeny, the Great Pumpkin's Consort" or something like that.

So, as things seem to happen around Cordy, the black cape went missing. We searched high and low for it at my in-law's house with no luck. By the time I got home to get Tam and Cor, we were already half-an-hour late for the Trunk or Treat at our ward, and since the people in charge of organizing the activity this year had opted for 1 hour Trunk or Treat, so that people could go home and man their doors for the kids who weren't coming to the ward, we were running a bit behind schedule.

Sadly, there wasn't a big turn out for the Trunk or Treat this year (last year it was huge... but we also had dinner served before hand, and it lasted 2-3 hours).

When we finished with the trunk or treat, we made tracks for Grandma and Grandpa Healy's house, where Cordy did some more Trick or Treating at Grandma's and then at the next door neighbor's (where she had never been before, but decided it would be ok to walk past the owners and head up the stairs).

After the Healy's we decided to run past Grandpa Ron's house, but he wasn't home from work yet, so we stopped at Teri Gwynn's house just up the street. For any who don't know, Teri's daughter Cindy is married to my brother Stanley, so they're family. While we were visiting, Cordelia decided to unload her spoils right on Teri's floor and start sorting and organizing them.

Once we finished visiting with Teri, Thomas, and Shayleen, we were headed out and planning on just going home, but as we buckled our seat-belts, Grandpa Ron pulled into his driveway and we stopped to visit a few minutes with him. While visiting, Grandpa put some food out for Patches, the cat who at the best of times won't let anybody, even the people she knows and trusts best, pet her. But since she was hungry, she did the unimaginable: She let a small child pet her! This picture was taken after she realized that it wasn't me touching her, so she was exhibiting a little skittishness.

And, as is my nature, I have a video for you. This is a couple of videos spliced together, the first part is from earlier in the month. Lynda (grandma Healy) had just bought a door decoration that plays "Gouls Just Want to Have Fun", and Cordelia decided to choreograph a Monster Mash-ish dance to go along with it. The second half is the dark, oh-so-dark, attempt at capturing the baby's first night Trick or Treat-ing.