Sad News For a Guilty Grandson

I just received some sad news. I say sad, rather than bad, because the news has broken my heart on many levels. In some ways it is bad news, too, but mostly it’s just sad.

My grandmother’s body is shutting down. She’s awake, coherent, and from what I hear, she is ready to move on to her next assignment.

48 hours is such a short time, though, for the rest of us.

I’ve been remiss. Over the past few years, I’ve put off taking the trip to Boise to see her, even though I’ve known she was ill. My excuse has ever been: “It’s such a long drive.” My little girl, 3 years old now, has never met my grandmother, and this, more than anything, is excruciatingly regretful. Ironically, I’m now working as a truck driver, and driving several hundred miles every day is part of the job description.

And now, since I’ve only just started, I can’t even go see her to say good-bye in person. Anybody who reads this and is close by: Please tell her I’m sorry. I love you, grandma, and I’m going to miss you. I’m so very sorry that I never brought Cordelia up to meet you. I know she would have loved you, just as all of us love you.

You have always been an inspiration for me. You taught me the importance of education, of family, of communication. You were always such a good letter-writer, and I learned so much from you.

If it is really time for you to go, then with a heavy, sorrowful heart I want to tell you that I love you and I will miss you. I’m sure Grandpa and Aunt Lois are waiting to welcome you… not to mention Tony, Mary, Great Grandma and all the rest who have gone on before you. As well as the Savior himself, with his open arms to receive you.

My heart aches for my own loss, and my own regrets, but I know there will be rejoicing on the other side as you are greeted by the throngs of people who must be missing you as much as we will miss you. I certainly hope that when my time comes, you will be there to welcome me home, as well.

I hate doing this in writing. I wish I could come see you. This is the best I can do, and I know you’ve appreciated me expressing myself with pen and paper in the past, so hopefully this is as good. I need to get this out there. I need you to know that I’ve never forgotten you, I’ve just been selfishly wrapped up in things that momentarily seem important, but in retrospect are just distractions.

I won’t ask you to forgive me, because I know you already have… that is part of being a grandma, I think. Part of what makes a grandma a special kind of relative. You just automatically understand that grandchildren are often distracted and foolish, and you forgive us for it. It’s grandma magic.

I love you. I know that you have always loved me. Thank you for being my grandma. I deserved less than what I got, and will forever be grateful for the blessing that you have been to me in my life.

I won’t say good-bye. Rather: Till we meet again.

I love you. God bless you forever.

Steven

P.S. If you change your mind, and decide to get better and stick around for a bit longer, that will be okay, too. I just want to put that out there as an option. Consider it, alright?

Day 7

Well, as of today, it's been 7 days since I left my family behind.

California is beautiful, mostly. The weather has been really nice. Today it looks a little smoggy out, and it's chilly (or I'm becoming accustomed to the nice weather). Feels like it's in the 60s out there. Not bad, really, and pretty darn sweet for February.

If you've been following the Trucker Diaries blog, you know I'm still here in the motel. They reassigned me to a new driver trainer, since the one they originally gave me is still waiting to get his truck fixed. The new guy hasn't called me, yet, so I don't really know what's up.

Tammy and Cordy seem to be doing well. We talk on the phone every day, and we try to get on Skype to do a video chat as often as possible, so we can keep in touch, and so my princess doesn't forget what her daddy looks like.

How You Know You're in California

Sign Number 1:

Sign Number 2:

A New Frontier

To all my rabid fans:

Some of you may know this already, but for those of you who have been kept in the dark, I am posting this blog, today. I’ve been unemployed since October. Not a fact that I’m terribly proud of, hence the seeming secrecy. The reason I’m coming out to admit it now is because I’m on my way to begin a new opportunity, a new job, and in many ways a new life.

The same day I lost my job, I started taking classes at Salt Lake Community College’s School of Applied Technology. That was nothing more than a coincidence. I’d been planning to start school on the 19th of October for several weeks… but the timing was still impeccable.

My “Technology?”: Professional Truck Driver. I took the 280 hour course, night classes. 5 hours per day, 5 days per week. Less time for holidays. On December 17 I received my Class A (commercial) driver license, with hazmat, tanker, and doubles-triples endorsements. I continued going to class, earning additional experience, until my 280 hours were up on Monday, January 25, 2010.

Several weeks ago I received a job offer from Werner Enterprises, and they scheduled me for Orientation starting on January 29. I’m currently sitting in the Greyhound bus terminal in Salt Lake City. It’s 5:39 PM, January 27. My bus leaves at 6:30, I have 15 minute layover/transfer in Las Vegas at 1:15 AM. I’ll arrive at the San Bernardino terminal at 6:05 AM. This is per my itinerary, though with the recent weather, anything is possible.

Tomorrow I’ll check in to the La Quinta Inn, and begin orientation on Friday. If all goes well (and let us all pray that it does), I’ll pass my physical exam and begin driving for Werner on January 31. I’ll have 6-8 weeks of training (300 driving hours – with a driver trainer), during which I’ll make peanuts, but I’ll get very necessary experience. Once I’ve completed my 300 hours, I’ll become a solo driver. At that point I’ll start making real money.

Because this blog is intended for family events, and this is a huge family experience, I’m posting it here. However, I am planning on posting my daily experiences on a different blog: The Trucker Diaries.

For the time being, I really want to express my love for my wife and my daughter. I know they know I love them, and I know that they love me. I am going to miss them terribly over the next few weeks when I cannot see them in person. I am extremely grateful to my Heavenly Father, however, for the blessings of cell phones, internet, and wi-fi. because of these wonderful inventions, I will be able to speak to my wife on a nearly-daily basis, and should be able to Skype-Video phone both her and my little girl on a relatively frequent basis.

I don’t know how fathers of old could leave their families for months and even years at a time with nothing more than the mail system to help them keep in touch. And I admire them for their fortitude, and their families for their resilience. God bless them for their sacrifices.

A New Video Craze

It's been a while since I posted any videos, so I'm going to take this opportunity to post a couple. I have lots, but they tend to be a bit long, and... well... the longer they are, the more closely related you have to be in order to thoroughly love them.

So, I'm only going to post two short ones.

First: The Pirate Triker Chick


Second: Does this make me a good father, or a bad one?

As Promised

Cordelia, like her mother, suffers from "Pose Face," which is to say, when she poses for a picture, she looks completely uncomfortable, unhappy, and insincere.  Sometimes getting her to smile naturally is a real chore.  I'll let you guys decide which of these is obvious pose-face and which is pose-face with an actual smile getting through as daddy made silly sounds.

No More Makebelieve

As is common, I'm sure, among children whose parents both wear glasses, my darling little angel-monkey loves to put on her parents' glasses, or Mr. Potato Head's glasses, or anything that looks like it might be glasses, and pretend they are hers.

As of yesterday, she no longer needs to pretend.

Several weeks ago, we had her evaluated for preschool placement, and one of the tests they did was a very rudimentary vision exam.  Whereas she did fine when using both eyes and when using only her left eye, her right eye was extremely weak.  Weak enough that the examiner couldn't say exactly what Cordy's vision in that eye was, so she simply put down 20/80 and advised us to see an optometrist.

Tammy and I happen to have a very good optometrist who also examines children, so we scheduled an appointment with him.  Two weeks ago I took my princess to see him.  He confirmed that her left eye was strong and needed scarcely any correction, if any at all.  However, he could not determine anything better than 20/200 in her right-eye.

Based on refraction and other tests he was able to do on his end, he had a good idea of what prescription she needed, but because she was tired and angry from the dilation drops he'd given her earlier, she wasn't in the mood to cooperate with the actual "look at the picture and tell us what you see" exam any more.

Yesterday, we picked up the new glasses, and she seems to like them.  Wore them all day yesterday without a complaint (until just before bed - she came to me and said, "Gasses off now?"  To which I replied, "Of course, but we have to brush our teeth and put on pajamas, now").

She wasn't happy about that.  But she agreed, eventually, and she also agreed to wear the glasses again today.

Another thing:  She is supposed to wear an eye patch over her strong eye for 2 hours each day, to help force her weak eye to work, and strengthen.  She has a cute pink eye-patch for that.  I'll try to get a picture of it and post it later.

Anyway, that's what's up for now.